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ljj405

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When i came into recovery i was tired of the life that I had created for myself. I am the addict that seemed to be born this way. Since I can remember I had been in some form of uncomfortable state. I began using some form of outlet very young around maybe 8 or 9. Sneaking cigarette butts and blowing the smoke out of the window was the beginning for this addict. The more smoke I blew the more I felt alive. As I grew so did my drugs and my addictions. By the time I was 13 I was pregnant and scared,although i did not use during my pregnancy as soon as i was released from the hospital I had to have a joint. Picking up were i left off but of course worse slowly progressing. BY fifteen I was an alcoholic and a anything to get high addict. As I continued in my drugging career of course the type of drug got stronger and all I knew was that I needed more. There was no regard for my life all I thought was it was my life and I'M going to do what I want with it, I'M not Hurting anybody else. That way of thinking sent me into a really dark hole and if you were not on what I was on the hell with you. At 18 I was a full blown cocaine addict. I knew that something wasen't right with my life and I couldn't put my finger on it, oh but it wasen't my drugs! So because it was everything else around me I moved from my hometown of Colorado and moved to Miami.(and even that was because i ran out of dope) At 19 I'm in a new state and vowed that things were going to be better. Well for some reason one of the first people i met was a of course cocaine addict, back to the races for me. Boy and did this ride take me for a spin I ended up on crack,a prostitute and had seen jail more than I knew. Then one day something happened while in jail one time, I heard about treatment. The information I was given was if you tell the judge you want treatment then he will let you out of jail. Now this sounded like a good plan to me so thats what I did. I didn't stay at this treatment for more than maybe 4 days, but I tell u what by that night sitting on the side of the dope house in the rain with dirt popping up on my feet I knew I had made a mistake. All I could think was I will go back after I get ONE more! One more turned out to be being in the hurricane, getting caught in the line of fire and a list of other dangerous situations. 4 months later in April of 2005, when I went to jail once again I surrendered in the back of that cop car I knew some way that I was through.Now with 5 years clean I am so grateful to my Higher Power and this program for doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. The power i feel today from working steps and doing service is paramount and there are no words to express the JOY I feel. Although there are those situations of life that show up I havent saw fit to use or even had the urge in 5 yrs. The promise is that an addict any addict can be relieved from active addition if we follow certain steps. The beauty of this program is that when stuff shows up the first thing I think is let me get to a meeting not let me get a hit. To me thats one of the greatest things that could have been given to me by working this program. In this bank account of recovery i've found that the more I deposit the more I can withdraw, and if I deposit the right amount I will never over draft. Today I am 26 yrs old a mother again and free from active addiction and for that I am truely grateful.


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latoyia johnson
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